When We Resist Change
By Sharon Lees“I know I need to change, but I just can’t seem to do it.”
It is a sentence I have heard many times in my work as an integrative counsellor, hypnotherapist and Reiki Master Teacher. We often talk about resistance to change as though it is something negative – as if we are stubborn, stuck or somehow getting in our own way. But what if we looked at resistance differently? What if, rather than trying to overcome it, we became curious about it? And what if Reiki could offer us a different way of approaching change – not by forcing it, but by creating space for it?
Reiki and the Art of Allowing
One of the things I love most about Reiki is that it doesn’t demand anything from us. We don’t have to make something happen. We don’t have to create a particular experience. We don’t even have to force ourselves to relax. We simply create the space, place our hands, and allow.
There is something profoundly different about this approach in a world where we are constantly encouraged to improve ourselves, fix our problems and become the “best version” of ourselves.
Reiki invites us to pause.
To listen.
To be present.
And sometimes, when we stop trying so hard to change, something begins to shift naturally.
What Is Resistance Really Saying?
My counselling work has taught me to become curious about resistance rather than judge it. When someone tells me they desperately want to change but cannot seem to move forward, I might wonder:
What does staying where you are give you?
What might change mean for you?
What are you afraid might happen if you do change?
Sometimes a behaviour that appears unhelpful is actually serving an important purpose. People-pleasing might protect someone from rejection.
Staying busy might prevent uncomfortable feelings from surfacing.
Remaining in a familiar situation might feel safer than facing uncertainty.
From a counselling perspective, resistance can therefore contain valuable information. It may be telling us something that needs to be heard.
Listening Beneath the Surface
My work as a hypnotherapist has given me another perspective. We can consciously want something while another part of us seems to pull in the opposite direction.
“I want to feel confident, but I keep holding myself back.”
“I want to change this habit, but I always seem to return to it.”
It can feel as though our own mind is working against us. Yet our unconscious mind holds patterns and beliefs that have developed through our experiences. Some may once have helped us cope or feel safe, even if they no longer serve us. Hypnotherapy can offer an opportunity to explore these deeper patterns and develop new ways of responding.
Reiki can complement this beautifully, not by trying to uncover or force anything, but by offering a quiet space in which we can simply become more aware of ourselves. Sometimes awareness is where change begins.
When Reiki Creates Space for Change
I remember a client who said:
“I know exactly what I need to do. I just can’t seem to do it.”
Rather than seeing their resistance as something to overcome, we explored what change would actually mean for them. Underneath the frustration was fear. The situation they were in wasn’t making them happy, but it was familiar. Change meant uncertainty, and uncertainty felt frightening.
As our work continued, Reiki became a place where they didn’t have to make decisions or have answers. They could simply stop, breathe and be. There was no dramatic breakthrough. Instead, something quieter happened. They began to listen to themselves. They started to recognise what they actually wanted rather than what they thought they should want. And gradually, their choices began to change. It reminded me that sometimes understanding comes before action.
What Reiki Has Taught Me About Resistance
Over the years, Reiki has taught me that healing cannot always be hurried. We may want immediate answers. We may want breakthroughs. We may want to see obvious changes. But Reiki encourages us to trust the process without becoming attached to a particular outcome. This doesn’t mean becoming passive. We can still take action, seek support and make conscious choices. It simply means recognising that forcing ourselves to change is not always the most compassionate approach.
Perhaps instead we can ask:
What needs to be acknowledged before I can move forward?
What am I afraid of losing?
What part of me needs reassurance?
What would happen if, for a moment, I stopped trying to fix myself?
These questions create space. And within that space, change can begin to feel less frightening.
Perhaps Resistance Isn’t the Enemy
My counselling work has taught me to become curious about resistance.
Hypnotherapy has taught me to listen to what may lie beneath it.
And Reiki has taught me something perhaps even simpler:
We don’t always have to force change.
Sometimes we can breathe. We can place our hands upon ourselves. We can become still. We can listen. We can allow. Perhaps resistance isn’t something we need to defeat. Perhaps it is something we need to understand. Because sometimes, when we stop fighting the part of ourselves that is afraid to change, we discover that it was never trying to hold us back.
It was simply trying to keep us safe.
And perhaps Reiki’s gift is not that it changes us, but that it creates a quiet enough space for us to discover what is ready to change within us.
Sharon Lees
UKRF Member
About the Author
Sharon Lees is an accredited integrative counsellor, clinical hypnotherapist and Reiki Master Teacher. She has practised Reiki since 2008 and brings together counselling, hypnotherapy and holistic approaches within her work. She is passionate about creating compassionate spaces where people can slow down, reconnect with themselves and discover their own capacity for change.